PRIORITIES GONE HAYWIRE

Dramatization of actual events. (GIF from the wonderful world of Tumblr.)

One night, when I was just starting to pee, a lizard landed on my thigh. It was one of the most conflicting times in my life: shoo the lizard or carry on peeing? 

Funny enough, that moment seems to be my life in a nutshell. A lot demand my attention now. And when all the things on your plate are marked urgent and important in big red block letters, what do you address first? 

The job, the family, and the friends.  “Prioritize,” I’ve been told, but it seems to be such an elusive word. My biggest concern is this: to me, all of these things are connected. If I ignore one, everything else will be affected leaving my life in shambles. Work has surprise deadlines, emergency meetings, booboos. For family and friends: there are interventions, discussions and philosophizing about life, milestones in loved ones’ lives, simple catching up. 

Then there’s this: I have to stay sane. Read, write, watch movies or TV, eat a decent fresh meal not bought from a store, run, meditate/pray, SLEEP. But my apartment is a warzone, my fridge is empty, and the laundry pile is staring me right in the face. Plus my nails are filthy, and my eyebrows and hair look like birds’ nests (girl problems, but guys have their own grooming concerns, I’m sure). 

Sometimes, I really do feel like throwing my hands up in the air, screaming, “I QUIT!!!” Well, I actually do that every now and then – a private moment of insanity before I go back to being a composed “mature” adult. On some days, I just end up wishing humans didn’t have to rest and stores didn’t have to close. 

I don’t deny that I am, occasionally, a control freak, and all this may be a product of it. But it can’t possibly be just that. Here’s proof. My friends’ and my calendars are filled with dinners and events scheduled months ahead just to make sure they happen. People love the word “multi-tasking” these days. Self-help books on organizing your life have become bestsellers. Shrinks have booming careers. And Valium and Xanax were invented for a reason, right?

So how do I choose?  I honestly can’t tell you because I can’t explain it myself. All I know is I try to mix instincts with deliberate analysis. Always stand by the ones and things I truly love, I’ve told myself, and, above all, avoid any decision that I cannot own up to in the end.

I cannot say that I have not misjudged and slipped up. I have come very close to losing things and people in my life that I realized were more important than anything else in the world. My own health has been compromised several times before. And though I have learned my lesson, I don’t think I’ll ever be perfect at this.

But that’s the way it is. Each time, a choice has to be made. If I screw up, I fix it after. I like to see life as an entire class term, not an exam that you cannot take back after you submit it. You start the term and some time into it, you’ll get an idea if you’re failing or not. If your grade needs improving, you work your ass off. If you’re happy with what you have, you carry on with what has made it work thus far. We live and we learn (I love you, Alanis Morrissette).

Back to the lizard. Well, I screamed first (had to be done). Then I flicked it off before continuing to pee. I figured I was disgusted enough with the cold wriggly fleshy thing to hold the necessity to relieve myself. I’d really rather deal with flying roaches than lizards.

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