THE NEW NORMAL

Almost 8 months into my life in HK. Have I accepted that things have changed? Slowly. Reallyyyyy slowlyyyyy.

But I cannot stop. Not because I have to accept the changes. I want to accept the change. It’s the only way I can feel comfortable, finally, with the newness of many things in my life. 

• No longer do I have the luxury of relying on monthly withheld tax. I am in the process of understanding the tax system which I am told is not very complicated. But taxes are taxes and I think they’re the same the world over. Like politics. 

• I survive on long-distance relationships are primarily long-distance and online. Before, of the people I personally interacted with daily, 70% were friends/acquaintances and 30% were strangers. Now it's vice versa. Visits are a bonus. Having them feels like the mushrooms in Super Mario. (Nobody knows exactly how hard this is when coupled with stressful work till they have experienced it themselves)

• I've gained weight. (Oh yes, I went there.)

Let’s take that last point. Those who know me well are aware of how concerned I get about my weight. These days, my body has transformed to something it hasn’t been in awhile. I have disposed of some old trousers because they won’t fit anymore. For a former obese kid, this is stuff of nightmares. 

And so I spend some days sitting in my office chair annoyed at how tight my clothes are getting. Some days I feel like my facial features are drowning under my cheeks. Face = cheeks. 

A few weeks ago, I had a chat with my “baby” brother who told me gaining weight doesn’t make you ugly. And if you really want to lose the fat, there's something you can do about it. 

Double whammy. Positive body image advice and reminder of having control over your life from a 19-year old. He was right, of course.

Major changes are ongoing, better make the best of it and follow through. I will be wasting all the tears, discomfort of winter, and reality-shattering events if I did not come out of this a changed person.

The changed me is not the person I’m expected to be, but the self-actualised version of me. Whatever that person is like because, frankly, I’m not quite sure where life is taking me right now. I’m just going with it, praying like mad that my faith is not going to waste (but then again, when has faith ever been a waste?).

And so while I wait for things to run their course, I am trying to learn new ways of being kind to myself. I have to else I sink into a moshpit of antagonism. Falling to despair and self-dislike. And I become a Sith Lord. And everyone knows they're all ugly. Cool but ugly. Or I go to work everyday with bloodshot swollen eyes. Neither appeal to me very much.

I have taken up a new hobby as well: photography. But that’s for another time.