Dear You,
There will be a time in your life when you feel so debased that you will almost freeze in fear and anxiety. At this point, you will learn that being present is one of the hardest things you will have to learn. And it will be one of the most important lessons you will acquire in life.
Growing up, you have been taught that if you work hard enough, you will be prepared. You have also been taught that you are talented and hard working, thus you must have matching ambition. This is the formula of success, you are told. Go big. Go far. Expand. Never look back and dream big.
And so you did. You pushed forward. Always going for "more" and never settling for anything "less." After all, you want to safeguard your future.
Then it hit you. An event that turned your life towards a direction you never think you'd take. You found a place that finally felt like home. You will want this so badly, like you've never wanted anything else in your life. This made you realize that maybe, just maybe, your dreams are not quite like what is asked of you. Perhaps there is more to life than what you knew.
There was an avalanche of emotions and thoughts. Realities were thrown in your face. Ones you did not really notice or paid attention to before.
Suddenly, you are no longer so sure of what you held to be "true" and "good." Everything you have lived by is suddenly challenged because of new experiences. The more troubling thing is, deep down, you knew that there was something worth challenging all these years. You are forced to reach very deeply into yourself to find what you truly stand for. An exercise, you realized, which is not very straightforward as there are competing voices in your psyche all escalating to a cacophony of demands -- voices not necessarily yours.
In the process, tears will be cried. Joy will be stripped from many things you love. You will be, for a time, powerless, exhausted, and playing with the thought of permanent rest. You will ask why your path to happiness is so difficult. Why you were sent something so incredible only to find so many obstacles preventing you fr reveling in it. You will wonder if you got it all wrong. If you should backtrack, admit it was a mistake and just let it go. But you will find that taking this path seems wrong to your very core.
You will wake up every morning grappling with thoughts of the future -- thoughts that will scare you out of your mind because all seem to lead to your failure at life and letting go of your happiness. You will not sleep. You will not find rest. You will feel alone, heart seized with fear and convinced that you're trapped in a life you no longer want to live.
When all seems to be at a dead end and you tire of yourself, you will find loved ones who will stand as your lampposts. They will give you enough strength to hold on to who you are with their words of encouragement. They will tell you that true happiness has a cost and being yourself sometimes requires a fight.
You will also be driven to your knees in front of the Being to Whom you will latch all your hopes.
There you will realize that answers cannot be obtained immediately. That you can easily sabotage your future and happiness if you refuse to resist the pull of anxiety about the future. And that, ultimately, life will have its way with all of us and we cannot be so arrogant to believe that we can control or predict everything.
More importantly, you will be taught that love requires faith for it to realize itself and fully bloom. You just have to trust it as there's no way you can tell how the future will work out no matter how much work and planning you put into it. The essence of love is precisely the pitfall of "smart" people. Love is riddled with uncertainty and therein lies its beauty as you have to choose to stay and believe in love though you don't know what will happen.
After all this, you will emerge knowing that there is one fundamental rule for happiness: never forget that you are in the present. And you will make it your mission to fight for the ability to be in the present which manifests your faith in the future.
You have to fight for what you want in life, but also learn to balance this with letting things unfold on their own. You have to take risks without forgetting what you are working towards. You have to believe that it's more than okay to want what you want though others say otherwise. You have to overcome fear so as to let love in.
And these you have to do over and over again.
Remember what you were told: Enjoy the present with an eye on the future. You are loved. You are enough. Love well and love deeply. You will know by the solutions. Believe.
And be grateful.
Love,
You
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